A Weekend of Ups & Downs

So I don't really do posts like this, and it may not stay up for long.  But there has been a lot going on these past few days: lots of emotions, lots of words said, and lots of thoughts to think.

I suppose everything started to get rocky around Wednesday.  One of my friends had invited me to go to the Rock & Worship Roadshow with him and his college group.  They had one extra ticket, and out of the friend group he felt that I would be the one that wanted to go the most.  Well, one of our other friends in the group found out he was not invited, and threw a little temper tantrum.  Now, I know it was a joke, so I just shrugged it off.  And I shrugged it off again the next day.  And the next day.  And then that night, I had had enough.

Let me just preface this next part of the story by saying, I WAS NOT MAD AT THE FINAL JOKE.  My friends make jokes like it all the time, and I'm used to things like that being said about me and the rest of us.  The joke just happened to be the detonator to a situation that was bound to blow up eventually.  But again, I WAS NOT MAD AT THE FINAL JOKE.

So, back to the story...Friday night/Saturday morning, this said friend made a joke to one of my other friends about me.  I did not appreciate it, and it was just the final piece of the puzzle in my head.  This friend has a tendency to take jokes that he makes too far.  Some have been piling up for a few months now, and I had had enough.  So I lost it...over text.  First mistake there; never ever EVER start a fight via text.  It will never end well.  Anyways, the joke was made, and I confronted him in the possibly worst way possible.  I completely lost it.  I was text screaming, calling him names, and saying things I shouldn't have.  And of course he can't tell if I'm joking about being mad or not, since all of this stemmed from him joking about being mad about the concert.  I finally get frustrated enough that I just stop trying to talk about it around 3am.

Next day, everyone in our friend group is talking to each other about this situation.  Except for the fact that he won't speak to me, and I won't speak to him.  Everyone is talking to me about it or to him about it, but we can't talk to each other.  I tried to talk to my best girl friend here about it, and I completely broke down.  I could barely get three sentences out without just breaking into furious tears.  I was so frustrated and upset, and I knew that I could never get my feelings across to him about all of this that I just cried.  And I NEVER cry!  Except at a really cheesy chick flick...or an adorable animal...but that's neither here nor there.

So, after a day of sitting on this hot mess, I decide to write him a letter.  I attempt to explain that I'm not just mad at the joke, I'm mad about his attitude toward me and how he treats me.  I basically tell him that I deserve a better friend than what he has been lately, and if things can't change, I'm going to have to walk away.  I apologized for going off on him via text at 2am and that I left him confused about the whole thing.  And I sent him this letter.  I know, it's probably a cowardly thing to do, but I really feel it was the only way for me to be able to get all of those feelings and thoughts across to him.

After all this, I am exhausted; physically, mentally, emotionally, you name it.  It is exhausting trying to be an adult!  I prayed to God that night that he would restore joy to my soul; remind me about the good in life; give me something to keep going through these next couple of months.  Sunday morning, I get a text from not one, but TWO of my best friends telling me they were both in town.  I was able to spend the day with Stephen and Mandee and of course my cosmic twin Brittany.  We went to eat, went bowling, played N64...it was just the perfect end to a terrible weekend.  It really lifted my spirits.  Bottom line, GOD IS AWESOME!  He totally has my back.

Looking back on all of this, there is so much I would have done differently.  I would have tried to confront said friend earlier about how I feel about our friendship.  I would not have started it over text.  I would have somehow found the composure to talk about all of this in person.  Maybe this whole situation is God's way of saying "You're time in Springfield is most definitely done.  It's time for you to move on to bigger and better things.  I promise there are people out there that can love you and accept you for who you are without any regrets or compromises."  It just sucks to think that the few friends I had left here are possibly gone from my life now.

I don't know how things will turn out between me and said friend.  I'm not sure that we can be friends anymore, which sucks, because we really did all have a good time together...when it was good.   Maybe there will be some way to mend all of this and make these next few months great.  Maybe I will just have Brittany left from this group, which for now is more than enough.  Brittany has been awesome through this whole thing, and I'm feel so bad that she got caught in the middle of all this.  But no matter what, I know God's hand is in all of this.  I'm daily praying for his guidance about all of this, and about my future.  I just know I have to be patient and wait for his decision.  I feel like I've done all I can for now.  And now it's time to wait.

Wow...this was a longer rant than expected.  So sorry!  I doubt that anyone will read this, but I had to get it off my chest one last time.  Maybe it will serve as a learning tool for me in the future, a reminder of what to do in situations like this.  Oh well.  Until next time!

Greeting the New Year in Style!

Hello one and all!  Here's my first post of 2012!  Can you believe it?!  This past year seemed to fly by.  I am so glad to see it gone though.  2012 marks a big new start for me.  But more on that later...time to talk holidays!

For Christmas, I was home Friday & Saturday.  The fam went to the Christmas Eve service at our church, opened a few presents, put on our jingle jammies (family tradition...we get a new pair of pj pants), and watched A Christmas Story.  Sunday morning we finished opening presents and headed back to MO for the big family dinner.  We ended up spending the night, then I came back home with mom and the bro for a couple days before heading to Chicago.

Chicago was a BLAST!  I was fortunate enough to be invited along by a few of my friends to spend Thurday through Monday at the Trump Hotel and Tower.  We had way too much fun.  Lots of fine dining, crazy times, and toasting the New Year!  Here are a few of the pics from the trip.

 The view from our hotel room

 The girls' room

 The girls' bathroom...complete with a tv in the mirror

 View from the living room

 The delicious chocolate-covered strawberries waiting for us when we arrived

 My friend Brittany and I getting ready for dinner the first night

 Our outfits for New Year's Eve

 Goodies waiting for us at Rebar...where we spent New Year's Eve

 The boys from the trip!  Bobby, Nick, & Zach.  They are crazy awesome.

 The gang!

 Gotta have champagne to toast the New Year!

 Big ole sushi boat!

 This is one of the many fights between Batman (Bobby) and Bane (Nick).  And of course there's Zach.

 Our group with the awesome DJ for the night.

 And this is what happens when we're told to make crazy faces.

 We left this morning to snow and frigid weather outside.  Glad to be back in MO where it's a little warmer!

And now here's a little clip of us toasting the New Year!

It has been an awesome holiday season.  But I'm glad that the traveling is dying down and I'll be back into a routine.  After a couple days in Springfield, I head back home for about a week.  Then I'll get back into the swing of weekly sessions and piano lessons.  These next 6 months will be interesting for sure.  This is the first semester that I'll be out of school.  The plan for now is to be in Springfield until June, during which time I plan to figure out how to start my own business.  Hopefully by the fall I will have started my own MT private practice in the NW AR area.  I've got some great resources to help get me started, and it's a brand new market, so I'm really hopeful!

Well, that's about all I have for now.  I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  Here's hoping and praying that we all have a great year with many blessings to come!  Until next time!

Done and DONE! For Real This Time...

Hello all!  As I am procrastinating finishing up some documentation, I thought I would update you all on what's been happening the last month.

Well, I graduated!  Again!  I completed my degree and got my MMT!  (Master of Music Therapy).  Here are some pics!

 Me being hooded by Dr. Cassity

 Class of 2011 (Winter Commencement)

 I'm so cool...

 Me and the cuz...he graduated the night before from the Police Academy at Drury.

 As you can tell, we really like taking pictures...

 Me and Maw (my grandma on dad's side)

So proud!

My holiday plans are crazy!  I'm in Springfield until the 23rd, then Laura and I will travel home to Fayetteville.  But we're back in the Springfield area Christmas day to have the family get-together at my uncle's house.  I go back to AR for a couple of days on the 26th, then I leave for Chicago the 29th with a group of friends for New Years.  We stay there until the 2nd, and then I come back to Springfield to start up sessions again.  I'll probably go back home one more time before Drury starts back up, because that will be when most of my sessions get underway again.  Crazy crazy!  And now for some holiday pics of the fam!

 Our friend Hayden was over for the cheesy family photo hour, so we made him jump in as the adopted son

After all of the holiday shenanigans, I will get back into the swing of sessions!  I'll only have a few until June.  It's weird to pick up new clients and only see them for 6 months.  I won't have any school though, so I'll have lots of free time.  It will be weird to say the least.

Now I'm off to record a CD for one of my clients as a Christmas present!  I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!  May this time be filled with friends, family, and of course, remembrance of the best gift of all!  God bless!

Thankful

I know it's already the day after Thanksgiving, but I thought I would list some of the things I am thankful for.  It's good to remind yourself every now and then all that you are blessed with.

I'm thankful for...

• my relationship with my Savior and Lord, first and foremost.  Without him, I would be nothing.
• my family, for all of their love and support.  Even when some of them drive me crazy, I know they will always be there for me.
• my crazy, crazy friends.  It takes special people to understand my crazy and be able to relate to it!  :-P
• my health.  I may not be the most fit person in the world (ha!), but I have no major ailments, and for that I am very grateful.
• my church home.  It's been tough not having a church in Springfield to go to regularly, but I am so thankful to be able to come back to FBC Farmington and feel welcome and loved.
• almost being done with school...for real this time!  I graduate in less than a month!
• a profession that I am happy in...music therapy combines music with helping people, just what I like!

Now the fun/silly list!  I'm thankful for...

• chocolate
• Pinterest
• Snuggies (I admit to owning a leopard-print one)
• movies that never get old (The Holiday!)
• sunsets
• my cats and my dog
• the way new books smell
• sleeping late
• the feel of clean sheets
• caffeine
• the ability to not get into Christmas mode until after Thanksgiving
• iTunes
• contact lenses
• cardigans
• the sound a symphony makes when it's tuning right before a concert
• my perfect guy (he's out there somewhere!)

I hope everyone was able to find something they were thankful for this Thanksgiving.  Now get ready for the Christmas season!  Until next time!

Denied

I received an e-mail from the Journal of Music Therapy editors earlier this morning.  Here's what it said:

Dear Ms. Jenkins,

 

I want to thank you for submitting your manuscript, “Functional Musicianship of Music Therapy Students Entering Internship,” for peer review. The reviewers agreed that the manuscript addresses an important topic, but did not recommend publication.  Primary concerns centered on methodology.

 

Although your manuscript was not selected for publication, the reviewers did provide some informative and encouraging comments that you may find helpful as you move forward with your program of research (please see attached letter).  It is also my hope that the reviewer comments will offer greater understanding for the reasons the manuscript was not selected for publication.

 

Thank you once again for your submission. We appreciated the opportunity to review your scholarly work and hope that you will continue to keep the journal in mind as a publication outlet for your research.

 

So, I got denied.  I know I shouldn't be upset...I mean, it was my first attempt at having a study published, having very little idea of what I was doing.  I gave it my best, and at least it got my name out there as a serious MT.  But I am upset.

 

The part that really aggravates me is all of the work I put into this study, virtually for nothing, and all of the BS I had to put up with to get it here.  I relied a lot on the knowledge of my professor/adviser to let me know what I was doing wrong, things I should add or change, etc.  I finished this study with such high hopes of it being published; he told me he couldn't see any reason why they wouldn't publish it.  And now I sit here, over a year later, not having the study published.

 

I shouldn't be so hard on myself.  It's just disappointing.  I can try and correct some things and submit it to a different journal, and knowing my professor, that's what will happen.  And I'm presenting this research at conference next week, so at least other people can hear about it. 

 

I guess I'm done ranting about it.  Off to class. 

Fall 2011

Hello all!  One of the things I love about Drury is its trees in the fall.  They are absolutely gorgeous!  During my undergrad years, I would walk around campus each year with my friend Erin and take pics.  Sadly, E-Mac is in San Antonio, but I was able to get a few pics from this year.  Here they are!

Happy Fall Y'all!!

Quick Update

Hello all!  Obviously, I haven't blogged in awhile.  That's only because nothing super duper amazing has happened in my life lately.  It's the same ole same ole.  I'm just getting through these last few classes, doing a few MT sessions, and chillin' in Springfield!

Looking at my semi-professional side, I finally finished my first major research.  I sent it off for review the first time at the beginning of September.  It was quickly sent back with a few minor corrections that needed to be made, and I sent it off again.  I should know by December if it will be published in the Journal of Music Therapy.  So here's hoping!  I'm currently working on my second research and will hopefully have that done and ready for review by December.  And in November, I'm going to the AMTA Conference to present my first research in a Poster Session. Pretty much, I make a pretty poster, stand there for two hours, and answer any questions someone might have.  Woohoo for me!


Now for the fun side of my life!  A few weeks ago, the music therapy students had a talent night fundraiser at a local coffee shop.  My friend Brittany and I got up on stage and did a rendition of a youtube video called "Axis of Awesome" (look it up, it is indeed awesome).  Of course I tried to upload the video on here, and of course it didn't work.  So for now, if you wanna see it, it's on my facebook wall!

My friend Zach had to have some head shots taken for his portfolio, so I took a few for him.  And afterwards we decided to have a Supermodel Documentary Hour photoshoot!  Here are a few goodies.

 I finally graduate in December!  Yay!  I am soooo ready to be done.  I'm tired of the same school routine.  I think I'm finally ready to be a big girl and have a full-time job.  The plan for now is to stay in Springfield until next June, then move back to Fayetteville in the hopes and attempts to start my own MT practice.  Prayer for that would be greatly appreciated, since I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing in that respect.

Well, that's all I have for now.  Time to finish my coffee and some laundry before getting ready for today's sessions!  Hope everyone is enjoying the Fall weather!!!